Radiotherapy

Hello,

I am in my last week of Radiotherapy now. I have had 10 sessions which means only 5 more to go. Yay! It is pretty boring, I am having it at either Guy's or St Thomas' up in London and it is a pain doing the travelling.
When my appointments first came through they were great, about 11:30am or so every day and all at the same place. The first day when Ash and I went up there they gave me a revised schedule and the appointments were all over the place. Times and location. I whinged a bit and they changed it for me but it was still not great and now it seems like every time I go up there they change another appointment. To be fair, they have been fairly accommodating but it means I have had to pay more for my travel as some of the appointments are before 9:30am which means getting full priced travel. It's a bit annoying and especially before Christmas when I'd rather be spending money on presents for people!
In terms of money, we are doing OK. I have just learnt not to look at things any more. An example of this was this weekend when we were in the Cotswolds (fab weekend) and were looking round the shops, some of them I didn't even bother going in and some I went in but didn't really look at anything. There's just no point when you know you can't afford it. Luckily for me Ash bought me a fab sheepswool scarf and some really funky glove/mittens this weekend - I needed them - it was FREEZING!

We went to Boughton-on-the-Water with Ash's mum and her husband and his sister, her partner and their baby. We stayed in a really lovely (and reasonable) B&B. They were very welcoming at the B&B and left a bottle of sherry and one of port in the lounge for the guests. There was just us lot and one other couple staying there and between us we managed to polish off the bottle of port in one evening! The sherry stayed - yuk! It's horrible stuff!


Sunday morning it was -2!


Boughton-on-the-Water


The B&B (It was called Strathspey)

I've been pretty tired with all the travelling up and down to London. It's a shame the appointments weren't the same time every day as that would have been a nice routine. I have managed to catch up with some people though and had some fab days out. I've done:
The National Gallery & Lunch with Nicky
The V&A & Breakfast with Mum
The London Dungeons & Lunch with Lindsay and Hazeley
and there's more next week.....!

I am planning on going back to work just before Christmas for four days then it is two weeks off (have to take holiday for that) over the festive season and back to work on the 5th January.

I think I won't be having surgery until probably late January/early February as it will take some time for my skin to recover from the Radio. It is already starting to turn a little red and be a bit painful (like sunburn). According to the Radiologists it is still looking pretty good although I will be 'cooking' for another month or so after I've finished the treatment.

On the plus side - I'm almost completely ready for Christmas this year as I've had time to do everything - it's brilliant!

Lots of love

Liz
xxx

Better and Worse

Hello,

I know it has been a while and I have been meaning to write for a bit. I had a planning appointment for my Radiotherapy last month.
Ash and I had to go to St Thomas’ Hospital in London (where I used to have lectures when I was training).
It is not a bad journey but it is always cold and windy there as it is right by the river. The hospital itself was really grubby and dirty in the public areas. I am assured that it is clean on the wards. The signage was really bad too and we got a bit lost but still managed to arrive in time.
We were down in the basement (lots of people have assured me that this is normal for Radiotherapy!) surrounded by old people.
They told me what was going to happen, they gave me a CT scan and tattooed me in three places, 1 under each arm and 1 in the centre of my chest. It is just a small blue dot that looks like a freckle. Hopefully when I have a boob again it will be hidden by my cleavage.

The appointment was pretty quick, I have to give them that and I got to see Dr Sawyer who I was seeing at Bromley during the chemo.

Afterwards Ash and I had a wander, got some lunch and went to the Tate Modern.

With that done I expected to be starting Radiotherapy 10 working days after the appointment (3 Nov) but I hadn’t received a letter and when I phoned them they said it would be 25 Nov. I think this is because we are going away to Centre Parcs and I had to write the dates in so that the holiday didn’t clash with the treatment. Unfortunately I didn’t put in the dates of when we are going to Boughton-on-the-Water as I thought the Radio would be over by then and now that is going to clash instead.

In the meantime I am going to be at work, I have some project work to do making documents and charts and things. At least I will be getting paid.

We have had a rough few weeks really. We have both suffered with a horrible head cold for a couple of weeks. Ash came off his bike and fell down the stairs in one day and was all bruised and achy. AND to top it all off he was told that he had the job he applied for and when he phoned up to say where is the paperwork for it, he was told that he didn’t have the job. It is all very complicated and I won’t say too much at this stage as we are probably going to challenge the decision but it was a BAD week for us. Reflected in the fact that we both gained weight that week.

We seem to have come through that a little bit. We had a mini trip away as I was bridesmaid for my friend Rachel and we had to travel to County Durham for the wedding. I have never been so far north in this country! We had a lovely time, met some fantastic people and it was great to be away from here for a while.

I have recovered well from the surgery and had the tissue expander filled up by mr D in clinic. It was a weird sensation and seeing it get bigger before my eyes was very strange! It has all healed nicely and I have asked to have the next surgery in January so that I am not recovering over Christmas again and so that I can do Crisis this year. This will be my last year I think, it is all changing and our centre will not be there next year and it is likely that there will not be a night shift so it made sense to make this the last year. It will also mean that I have been involved in Crisis for 10 years and a decade of charity work seems like a lot to me. That said, I will have to look for a new project once my involvement in Crisis is ended. I can’t imagine NOT doing some form of charity work now.

I don’t think there is much else to report right now. There are a couple of things that might come to something (a meeting tomorrow with HR about my sickness and a new job application for Ashley).

I will keep you posted

Lots of love

Liz
xxx

An Update

Hello,



This is weird because I am writing this blog into a Word document before I post it. This is because I have transferred the blog to a printable document so that it can be printed and given to those people who do not have a computer (apparently there are a few out there, although how someone can cope without internet is beyond me!!!).



I came back to work (where I am now – OBVIOUSLY doing work!) last week on Thursday and Friday and had two lovely days catching up with friends and colleagues and “re-orientating” myself to the unit. That means I drank a lot of coffee and chatted to people.



There was some good things to come out of it though. I spoke to the woman in Payroll who was sorting out my sick pay etc and she was really helpful. She said that they had overpaid me to the tune of £1,200.00. Great, another debt for me to repay. What had happened is that the sick returns are all done in arrears and so they kept paying me regardless.

Basically as of the end of August I am on no pay whatsoever, just Statutory Sick Pay (SSP) (which is about £74 a week). Since I have come back to work I will get paid next month for the hours I have done and if I don’t work full time hours the rest will be made up by SSP. It’s all a bit complicated, I’m glad I don’t work in Payroll.

They will be taking £400 a month from my pay cheque to repay the overpayment. Boo! It will be tight still but we’ll manage.

All in all it was good news – in as much as I will be getting paid enough money to save us from being totally broke.



We also had some more good news because Ashley has a job interview on Thursday for a job that will be nearly twice as much as his salary now. Fingers and toes are all crossed for that one.



We had a good weekend, we’ve got a bit more of the flat sorted out although it is still a mess with stuff everywhere! We haven’t found a place for everything yet which is quite frustrating.

Winne the cat is getting on well and we are going to keep him. Him and Dora are getting on quite well now although they are not the best of friends.



On Sunday we went hiking with my whole immediate family (that makes 9 of us). It was a beautiful day and we stopped at the pub in Brasted for a crafty pint. We did 6 miles and when we got back we were so tired we were in bed by 9pm!



Fat club update – I lost another 1lb last week – slowly but surely for me! Ash lost 6lb and was Slimmer of the Week! He is like the star pupil and is doing really well. As he was the only man there last week all the women were giving him dirty looks as no-one else had lost nearly that amount hee hee. It’s OK though because the group leader loves him (he has that effect on women of a certain age!).



Best sign off now as I think I am actually going to have to do some work today.



Love to you all



Liz

xxx

Back to Work!

Hi folks,

I had surgery on Friday (19th Sept) to put in the tissue expander. It was just day case which was nice (shame they don't do it in the Day Surgery yet though, then my friends could have looked after me!). I went in at 07:30am and had to wait until 12:30pm for my op!!!!! Mr Desai came round and drew all over me and I looked like a dressmaker's doll with dotted lines everywhere. He measures across my chest, to align the boobs I guess.

As usual I didn't mind the anaesthetic bit, they gave me some Midazolam which is a lovely drug that just makes you a bit floaty before they gave me the actual 'put you to sleep' one when I totally conked out in a matter of seconds!

I went in to Surgical Admissions (the old ENT ward) and afterwards was transferred to Surgical 7. I remember waking up in recovery and Sheree from work was there which was nice - a friendly face! I struggled to keep my eyes open though.
And indeed for the rest of the day I struggled with talking/eyes open stuff! I just wanted to sleep. Ashley's Dad's wife Lynn came in to see me as she works in the hospital and then later Ash came in too and stayed with me, The nurse looking after me was a bit dippy and wasn't sure whether I was supposed to be going home or not. Well I WAS! There was no way I was staying overnight, what a waste of a bed for one thing - I was fine to go home. Mum came and picked us up although I had to get Ashley to push me in a chair to the car as I still felt a bit wobbly.

Got home - straight to bed and up late on Saturday. Felt a bit light headed still on Saturday but it wore off eventually. Actually felt a bit like a hangover - well it was - an anaesthetic hangover.

Saturday Ashley also told me some bad news - he had had a phone call from work on the Friday informing me that I have been overpaid and that I would not being getting my wages on Wednesday but would just be on Statutory Sick Pay. That means I will be getting about £250 a month. Not nearly enough to live on - not enough to even pay my HALF of the rent, let alone all the other bills. So that was a bit of a blow and a pain as there was nothing we could do about it over the weekend apart from worry.
In reality what it means it that instead of having 4-6 weeks recovery from this operation, I am going to have to go back to work this week. That's a bit pants but if that's how it's got to be then that's how it's got to be. I would have gone back the last few weeks but the unit had moved because of building works and I had no where to actually go.
Anyway, I don't mind too much but now I am going to have to work hard because every penny counts. At least I am not feeling quite so tired as before, the chemo has really worn off now.

So much so in fact that Ash and I did a six mile hike last week! We walked from Orpington all the way up to Biggin Hill to have dinner at his Dad's. It was a really good walk and I didn't stop or slow down too much so I am definitely getting better!

We also have new - we have a new cat at the moment. He is called Winnie and is OLD, anywhere from about 17-20. He needs rehoming as his present owner is moving back to New Zealand. We are trialling him out with Dora as we are not sure how they will get on. They have been hissing and growling a bit at each other but no fur flying as yet. He is pretty chilled out actually, it's just about whether she will accept him.

That's all for now, I'm going to get dressed now and then my friend Gemma is coming over for the day.

Lots of love
Liz
xxx

Ballooning Pictures (in backwards order!)

A Normal Life

Hello,

A little update to let you all know that I am doing well - the hair is growing back in full force now and I had my first hair cut last week from Emma as I was starting to look a bit messy around the ears!

Good news! Emma (Ashley's sister) gave birth to her first child on Sunday so we had a cuddle. It was a boy, 9.6lb, no name yet! He is lovely, as we didn't know what he was before the birth we haven't been able to buy anything but now we can go and buy funky clothes and toys for him etc. Congratulations Emma and Steve!!!!!

I am still working away at the eBAying. It is getting more exciting as we have more visibility online now so more people are seeing and buying (and spending more) on our stuff! It keeps me out of trouble which is the main thing and I am getting out of the house most days instead of mooching about in my dressing gown.

I do miss being at work in the hospital and can't wait to get back to my friends and colleagues although I am not looking forward to the exhaustion of work again. I will get a phased return i.e. I will be broken back in slowly. But that is only for 6 weeks and then it's back to normal. Apparently it takes about a year to return to full fitness after an illness like cancer. I can't NOT go back to work so I think it is one of those situations where I will have to be really aware of how I feel and make sure I don't overdo it. I have a tendency to push myself and have a real problem saying 'no' to people so I will have to REALLY watch myself.

First week of Slimming World went well - I lost 3lb which is OK. I have relaxed into it a bit this week and am actually quite enjoying the challenge of doing more cooking and trying to make our favourite dinners more healthy! Ashley is doing it too now, officially. He joined up last week but luckily there was ONE other man there so they could give each other moral support! He doesn't have very much weight to lose. Also as he is now cycling to work on his new shiny bike he is doing the exercise program. He is so going to get more certificates and stickers and things than me!!!!!!!!! The challenge is on!
One little note about the new bike - it's MASSIVE! I tried to get on it and had to go up about 3 stairs before I could even attempt to get my leg over - and then my feet didn't touch the pedals properly!

Check out the hair!



Lots of love

Liz
xxx

The In-Between Time

Hello,

It's been a while this time hasn't it!?

Well, I've been recovering from the last bout of chemo and just trying to get my life back on track a bit now. I am still feeling very tired at times but my energy is returning gradually and two weeks after the last chemo pill I am already feeling better.

I haven't really been doing much, working for a friend putting LOTS of things on eBay (more tiring than it sounds and dangerous when I browse.....!).

I joined Slimming World on Thursday (I have done it before) in order to lose some weight. Well, it was a shock when I got on the scales I can tell you! It is so wrong to weigh more than your boyfriend!
Anyway, Ash said he'll do it with me as we both need to change our eating habits although he's not too happy that Crunchy Nut Cornflakes aren't a free food.

I have been catching up with people a bit more and it was brilliant to FINALLY catch up with Sarah who I haven't seen since she got back from Oz (6ish weeks ago!).

The allotment has calmed down a bit now. Our big harvesting time was around that last chemo which was a pain but we got HUNDREDS of runner beans (some of you will know, as you've been/bean eating them!)
We have also had quite a good crop of tomatoes. A shame since my mum gave us the plants but she lost all her crop due to blight. We had some potatoes and lots of courgettes too, some spring onions and a few red onions.
We lost our broccoli in the space of about 2 days to pigeons - next time we'll put them under a net. Our carrots and parsnips didn't so well at all although the marigolds that I planted around the carrots as a sacrificial plant have done brilliantly!
We've dug up that bed now and are preparing to clear it all for the winter unless we decide to put in a late crop.
What we'll probably do is just leave it and start again next year with a few different crops and some that we know will do well - runners definitely!

We went blackberrying the other day - something I haven't done in donkey's years - and got a bit scratched but picked some lovely berries to make a pie (non-Slimming World - oh well!)

The other thing I suppose I should mention is that Ashley and I have just passed our 1 year anniversary! It's seems to have gone very quickly but also it seems like we've been together forever. We're seriously considering the possibility of moving to Cornwall next year to live as we can afford to buy a house down there and we love it - it's a much more outdoor lifestyle.

So that's my update, I'll be going in for surgery on the 19th September and there'll be news of a new arrival when I write again. Uncle Ashley is getting excited because he'll have a baby to squodge!

Please take a minute to have a look at the info below about prescription charges. As you all know we have been through a financially difficult year and this doesn't help.....

Lots of love to you all and thank you for your continued support

Lizxxxxxxxx

Help us to show the Government it is wrong for people with cancer to pay prescriptions charges for life saving treatment.

Almost half of cancer patients in England are being forced to cut back on basic needs such as food or fuel, in order to pay for their prescriptions.

Macmillan believes prescription charges are a tax on illness and should be abolished in England.

Here’s how you can help right now if you live in England; Click on the following link http://e-activist.com/ea-campaign/clientcampaign.do?ea.client.id=70&ea.campaign.id=674 to take action today by writing to your MP and local paper, we’ve made it as easy as possible with a template letter ready to be emailed.

You can also help us by filling in our online survey on prescription charges here: http://www.surveymonkey.com/s.aspx?sm=Pi8WQlMFtLtNzKpZKx3oEA_3d_3d

Please forward this onto your friends so that they can join the campaign too.

If you would like to join Macmillan’s network of campaigners and get updates on our campaigns visit http://www.macmillan.org.uk/campaigns and submit your email address.

Your support is invaluable to us and people affected by cancer.

Many thanks

Ronan Haughton
Macmillan Campaigns Officer

LAST CHEMO!!!!!

Well guys, just a quick one to say that it is Friday morning and I am having my last ever dose of IV chemo today! I still have to take the pills for another week but at least no more getting having to sit there while they find a vein and stab me in the hand loads of times.
Nicky should be here in about 40 minutes to pick me up and Ash has a half day today so that we can celebrate but just being at home together! Incidentally, for all those wondering how long we have been together now - our 1 year anniversary is coming up in a couple of weeks - 1 year - already!!!!!
Hope you are all well,

I'll try and write again soon - typing has become something of a challenge these days, my reactions are not as quick!

Lots of love


Liz
xxx

Work, holidays and fatigue

Hello everyone,

It's been ages since I wrote, I know. Mostly it's because nothing much has been happening. I was at work for a bit, had the 7th cycle of chemo and tried to go back to work but was completely fatigued and far too tired to do anything.
I spent a week at Mum & Dad's which was lovely although the temperamental Cornish weather could have been a bit better.
I came home via Sam's party in Bristol which was great, it was brilliant to catch up with some Crisis people and big thanks to Kath for the journey home, I had been dreading traveling on my own.

Ashley and I went ballooning on the 26th July at Leeds Castle. This was the trip paid for by the charity the Willow Foundation who have been FANTASTIC. They also paid for us to go out for dinner that night to Tamasha (probably our favourite restaurant in Bromley). The best bit about THAT was the maitre d' coming up to me as we were having a digestive drink in the bar and saying those lovely words 'Madam, the bill is taken care of'. Brilliant - specially as it cost about £100 for the two of us. I urge any of you that can to go and have the Tamasha coffee - it is worth it just for that! (I wil probably explain this is full one day but I am too tired to do it now)

Then we went to Brussels for a few days including a day trip to Amsterdam. We were blessed with beautiful sunshine every day although it was tiring walking around and expensive - the Euro is NOT at a good rate at the moment!

The very LAST cycle of chemo started on Friday and already I feel pretty rough, I am trying to just stay at home and not do anything. I already have a sore mouth and my guts don't like me much but overall I am OK. Just got to get through this one and things will start to get better.

I admit that I am starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel now and that is something. There's still the radiotherapy to get through of course but I'm hoping that won't be quite so bad. The fatigue is unlike anything I have ever experienced before. I literally cannot hold a conversation together, I go all vague and forget words and things (yes, OK, some may say I have always been like that :) but imagine me normally but 10 times worse!)

Anyway, thought I'd just check in with you all. I know it's been ages since I wrote when I get emails asking me if I'm OK! I am OK, I'll try and keep you posted a bit more regularly when I'm not quite so knackered.

Love to everyone,


Liz
xxxx
(Pics up soon from ballooning and hols but I'm back to my film camera for now so I have to get the film developed etc - who remembers doing THAT????)

Life Is Good

Hello everyone,

Sorry it's been a while. I've just had another load of chemo which I thought wouldn't be too bad but after two weeks of feeling brilliant (for the first time in ages) it's been a bit more difficult than I thought. At least with the other chemo it was so quick that you never really had time to get better. With this one I was dreading it because I felt good but I knew I was going to be feeling rotten for a couple of weeks. I haven't been THAT bad but in the mornings I feel a bit sick and I have been really tired. I usually perk up a bit in the afternoons but it means that the housework is not getting done which I hate... I can't even be bothered to do the washing up some days which I feel bad about because Ashley is working so hard at the moment and it's not fair for him to have to do everything.

Today is Friday and I just took my last lot of pills for this round of chemo so... no more pills for two weeks!!!!! I'll go back to work next week too which will be good (financially and for my peace of mind).

I have done some interesting things recently - chemo is not going to get in the way of me living my life! Ash and I went to the Biggin Hill Air Fair which was excellent - I really enjoyed the jet planes and the army helicopters and stuff. It was very noisy though! It was a beautiful day and I got quite tanned. The only thing was that because the traffic was so bad we had to walk all the way from Bromley Common up to Biggin Hill (about 2.5 miles uphill). It wasn't too bad, we took it slow but I was wearing pumps and by the end my feet were killing me (girls you know what I mean!). In the end though we overtook the two buses that we would have been on and got there a lot quicker than if we had got public transport or gone by car!

I also did my charity "run" in London for Crisis/the Willow Foundation. We had a little team, "Team Betty", and we did pretty well, we walked briskly and it took us about an hour, allowing for a bottleneck under London Bridge.



The Team

Ashley getting up close and personal to a sheep!

Me and my sister Helen (us, posing? Never!)

Me and Ashley

Scooby and Ken (who started the race - I think they probably booked him when he was still Mayor!)

I've managed to catch up with a few more friends (brilliant seeing Nicky and Charlotte yesterday - I can't believe it's been over a year!)

I also managed to fit in a very pleasant day out in Cambridge with Lindsay and Hazeley (or Lindsay and the Two Baldies - sorry Haze, at least mine will grow back!). We had lunch outside in the sunshine, wandered around the town which is beautiful and then went to the cinema to see Sex And The City (I loved it - the clothes, the shoes!!!!!)

Oh! I nearly forgot to mention there is a new addition to our household. Ophelia has moved up to London now to be closer to work so a new housemate has moved in - welcome to Mr Piggy-Whoop! He is a (I think) two-year old Guinea Pig that belonged to Ashley's sister Emma. As she is having a baby soon Mr Piggy had to go :( so he has come to live with us and so she can still see him.

Dora thinks he is hilarious and tries to pounce on him but she is not a very good hunter (can't even catch a fly) and he has lots of experience of cats so he is not fussed at all. In fact, I think they might be friends.


What's wrong with this picture???????

*UPDATE*
It's Monday and I'm back at work. It was a bit daunting thinking that I had to catch up to where I was before but I had a productive day and loved catching up with everyone.

I saw Mr D last week and have a date for surgery - 19 September. This will be to put in the tissue expander which will then be filled with saline to stretch my skin out ready to have a permanent implant put in. I'll be in for one day and it's not a long recovery period so the radiotherapy will start as soon as possible afterwards.

It really feels as though things are happening again and the end of chemo is sort of on the horizon now.

Hope you are all well,

More news when I have it

Lots of love

Liz
xxx

I haven't forgotten you all

Hello everyone,

Sorry not have blogged sooner but things have been manic! I had my last lot of chemo on May 16 and am having the next one on Friday. In between times I've taken my chemo pills for two weeks and now am at the end of my 'two weeks off'. This means that I have had no pills to take and no treatments and I feel NORMAL!!!!!

My time has been spent seeing people (of course) and also getting back to work (which is where I am now). I worked almost a whole week last week and managed to do some 7.5 hour days like a normal person. Granted I am sitting in the office and spending an inordinate amount of time talking to people but I have been getting some things done and generally feeling useful again. The scariest thought is that it is not really THAT long before I have to go back to work normally! :( It's nice going in to work and everyone hugs and kisses you - somehow I don't think that will be happening when I go back!

Other than that I have been getting excited about all the things growing on the allotment - the potatoes look particularly good and will be coming up soon as they are an early crop, we can start harvesting the spinach and we have planted tomatoes and broccoli (a gift from my mum's garden). The slugs are at the runner beans as are the blackfly but we'll get rid of them! There is lots of weeding to be done too as the weather has been wet recently and although the plants love it, unfortunately so do the weeds. The definition of a weed is only a plant that we haven't found a use for yet! (I don't know who said that)


The spinach when it started coming up


A potato plant

In other news, Dora the cat is getting bigger, has been spayed and is now allowed out a bit more freely. She has calmed down a bit and become quite an affectionate cat which means no more scratching thank goodness!

Ophelia will be moving out of the flat next Monday to move up to London as she now works up there and it is more convenient. That means I'll officially be living with a boy!!!! (Cue quote from Monica in Friends!)

There's not really much else to report. I have managed to do some social stuff which has been lovely. Financially being back at work is great as it means I can stave off going on benefits for a while. Plus some people have been EXTREMELY generous in paying for Ash and I to go out, paying for things we need or just giving us cash. It is HUGLEY appreciated and not forgotten easily.

Here is a pic of Dora being cute (for once!)



Sorry if you have emailed me recently and I haven't got back to you yet - I will try and get round to it soon!

Lots of love to you all
from
Liz, Ash and Dora
xxx
PS Here are some blog stats for the geekier blog readers:
Countries reading the blog = 13
Cities reading the blog = 107
Number of unique visitors = 267
Number of visits = 994

Team Betty

Next month I am doing a charity run. Well I say run but actually I will be walking as there is NO WAY I am able to manage even a gentle trot at the moment!

Check out the website www.teambetty.info - it's all about me!!!!!!
http://www.justgiving.com/teambetty-crisis ( to donate or join in!)

For those of you who don't know I volunteer every Christmas (for the last 8 years) for Crisis, a charity which helps homeless people. Every year Crisis do a fundraising event where some mad people run around London's Square Mile. The course starts at Paternoster Square (by St Paul's Cathedral) on a summer evening and goes along the River Thames and back again. I wouldn't actually know the route as I have never actually done the race despite saying many times that I would. I HAVE, however, been up there a couple of times to cheer on my friend Roger, sorry Scooby Doo (his alter ego) and it is great fun. There is a band afterwards and you get goody bags and everyone has a laugh and then usually goes for a drink in one of the local pubs.

So this year - I AM GOING TO DO IT!!!! Why not, the year when I have the best excuse ever NOT to do something (yeah, did you know I have cancer???)!!!!

What I want from you lot is SPONSORSHIP and if you can't do that then YOU"D BETTER BE RACING ALONGSIDE ME!!!!!!!
For our team instead of all the money going to Crisis we are going to give half of it to the Willow Foundation which is a charity that arranges days out for young people with cancer. They are taking me ballooning in July and they are a small charity so I thought they could do with the help.

SO - check out the website (www.teambetty.info) and if you have any questions or want to know more about it then feel free to contact me (liz_ford_1999@yahoo.co.uk).

See you there!

Liz
xxx
PS You are excused if you live in another country or more than 100 miles away!!!!

Sacrifices and Happy Times

One of the worst things about being ill is that I have had to sacrifice things in my life. This mostly constitutes holidays, gigs, parties, dinners, meetings, general social activities and buying things that aren't essential. At the moment I am missing being able to go out with my friends clubbing or just out for drinks. I would LOVE to go clubbing as I haven't been out dancing for a long time but I know I wouldn't be able to handle a whole night out, in particular it doesn't take a lot of alcohol for me to be drunk now (1 gin and tonic is more than enough!) and I couldn't handle the journey home from London at 5am!

Also, the Eurovision Song Contest is coming up and I am a big fan. I LOVE watching it, especially when you are able to put the subtitles on and have the song lyrics in english (although I'm not sure they do that anymore). The best bit about it has been the last couple of years at Simon's where we drink wine and try to fill in Simon's desperately complicated score cards. The categories are things like; dance routine, costumes, song and campness. I know it is sad but if you watch it tongue in cheek and listen to Terry Wogan getting more and more pissed on Baileys throughout the night, it is an excellent excuse to stay in on a Saturday evening! This year I will probably get to watch some of the competition as my brother is having birthday drinks for his 30th that night (ahhh my little bro is going to be joining me on this side of 30). Maybe they'll have a TV in the bar and I can sneakily watch it!

!!!!UPDATE!!!!
My sister Becky is also a fan of Eurovision so we have worked out a plan for that day that involves me, her, her husband David and Ashley going to the drinks for my brother and being back to watch (if not all, then most of) Eurovision. It's basically that David is going to drive us to the bar and home again, therefore saving us precious time on the 358 bus!

Today it's difficult to be moany. I have read a blog by a woman called Kelly on the Breast Cancer Care website which has been very insightful. In a lot of ways she seems a lot like me and so it's easy to relate to her story. In another way - her experience is totally different to mine! (Apart from the financial stuff - I'm glad it's not just me that's finding it difficult).

In fact, the financial stuff I think is harder when you are a single woman without a family and I am SO SO SO grateful to have Ashley and that bit of extra support. If I was single I would never have been able to do this alone for so many reasons. I mean, at 32 (which is how I will be when I finish treatment) how do you go out into the world again and start dating? How do you explain to a potential partner that you've just spent the last 18 months in and out of hospital and that now you are scarred for life and possibly can't have children. I would be so scared to show off my scars to anyone. And how would anyone else understand it if they haven't been through it with you?

I digress. What I wanted to blog about today was the fact that I have had a fantastic day. It rained (phew! At least the vegetables on the allotment are getting a drink) and was generally a pretty grey and boring day today. In the morning I woke up at about 08:30 as my friend Sarah texted me from Australia (miss you!) and told me I had a package coming from her that might go to the shop downstairs as she thinks she addressed it wrong. It hasn't arrived yet even though I checked with the shop people.
Then I took my pills which are not making me feel as they did in the beginning. Then Tracy and I went swimming at Swanley which was lovely as it is the first time I have been swimming since my holiday last September (meaning that the last time I went swimming was on September 30 2007 in the pool at the house in Corfu. I want to go back!!!!). There was hardly anyone in the pool and we chatted and did a whole load of lengths (actually forgot to count as we were chatting so much!). Then we went for lunch at Sidcup Place which I have been past many times and never been in. It is a beautiful old house - shame it's not a house any more but it must have been fantastic back in the day.

In the late afternoon my friend Julie came to visit me. We haven't seen each other for AGES. Probably a good year or so. She moved down to the coast and we haven't been in touch much. I missed her birthday last year which I feel really bad about. It was just before my diagnosis when I KNEW something was wrong and I was really stressed. Neither of us have had a particularly good year so there was LOTS to catch up on. And things are looking up for both of us (especially in terms of relationships!) so it's all good. A trip to the coast is definitely in order!

Anyway, I am very happy today. All in all my life is not that bad. In fact I'd even forgotten that I have to have more chemo tomorrow and that my mum is coming to pick me up at 08:45am. Damn, no lie in tomorrow! The bonus is that we are getting some tomato plants and broccoli plants from my mums garden!

Lots of love to everyone
Liz
xxx

PS Special thanks to Ant and Rajan today. You know why :)

The End of Things

I just finished watching the last season of Sex and the City today. The end of a series or a film or a book always makes me sad. It's not that the ending itself is sad, it's just that it's the end. I love to immerse myself completely in a good story and so I'm always a bit upset when it has to end and I have to go back to real life.
I was watching SATC because I wanted to see the episodes where Samantha has breast cancer. I hadn't watched them since my diagnosis and I had put it off because I thought it might upset me. As it turns out, breast cancer is totally different for everyone. Her experience was different to mine, which is different to all the other women I see in the clinic. There were a couple of things that really got to me though. One was the episode when her friends can't accept the possibility that she might die. Everyone says 'you'll be fine, you'll be fine', I even say it myself but we all know deep down that one of the possibilities with cancer is death. I feel lucky. I'm young and healthy in every other way and I have a lot to live for but every once in a while I do think about it. Maybe not now or in the next year but what about five years time? What if the chemo and the radiotherapy don't get it all? Realistically it can still take a long time for it to show again but then what? I have to do this all over again? I don't think that fear will go even if I get the all clear from this round of treatment and am told I am in remission. It's going to take a long time to not be afraid of cancer. Do you remember the first time you got your ears pierced? (I'm thinking the girls will appreciate this!) Some people said it would hurt, some people said it wouldn't. You got there and they did the first one. And it hurt like hell. But that wasn't the worst bit. The worst bit was knowing that you had to have the other one done too. Well, that's kind of what it would be like to have to go through this again. The fear of getting cancer in the first place is pretty bad, but not knowing what's going to happen cushions it a bit. Once you know what happens. Well, then you know exactly how bad it is going to be.

Sorry to be on such a downer to start. I just wanted to get that off my chest [insert inappropriate joke here, yes I mean you Lindsay ;) ] What would I do without inappropriate jokes!

I have, in fact, spent a delightful weekend sunbathing and having picnics and feeling sick. The chemo on Friday was the first of the new batch, CMF. At last! I feel like things are moving again now after a month of nothing really happening. It took all of 30 minutes to go through. One small syringe of very yellow fluid and two with clear fluid (no more orange pee!). I had oral anti-sickness pills so no more nettles in the knickers feeling and it was all done through a needle in my hand as there is no more Hickman line. It's all so very civilised!
It was a beautiful sunny day and Ashley had the day off so in the morning we went to the garden centre and purchased some plants for the terrace at the flat (it's not as nice as it sounds, it is really only the roof of the shop below!). We went to the allotment and planted the runner beans which are looking fab and checked on all the things that are growing. It's very exciting! I remembered to cover my head so that I wouldn't get sunburned and flake again.


Beans on the bus en route to the allotment!

After that we had lunch at Pizza Hut (cheap buffet!) and then headed up to the hospital for the chemo. Ashley's sister and her partner came over for dinner in the evening but I couldn't quite stomach it so I went to bed early.

Saturday we went with Ash's friend Chris to Shoreham to have a picnic by the river. It was lovely and a beautiful day again. I'm not sure how long this weather will last - it is fantastic but I have to admit that now I have things growing in the ground I wouldn't mind a bit of rain!

Sunday was a lazy day as I wasn't feeling too good. I have been given some chemo pills to take for the next two weeks. I have to take 4 every morning and wash my hands after I have handled them. They make me feel a bit sick so I take some Domperidone as well to stop that. It's nothing like last time with the 12 pills every morning so I can't complain.

Tonight Ash and I are off to see an Irish comic Dara O'Briain (that is not a typo by the way) at Hammersmith Apollo courtesy of Ashley's dad. He got us the tickets and is paying for our travelcards to get there and for us to have dinner. Thank you!

Lots of love to you all
and thank you for your continued support
Liz
xxx
liz_ford_1999@yahoo.co.uk

A Ray of Light

Hi guys,

Just to let you know.... da da daaaaaaaaa... I went to the Oncologists today and they said... NO MORE HICKMAN LINE!!!!!!!! I will not have to have another one put in. Thank goodness. Instead they will give me the next four lots of chemo peripherally i.e. through my hand. It does mean having to get stabbed with a needle every time I go in but at least I don't have to have the Hickman. What this means, of course, is that now I can start doing some swimming (twice a week with Tracy) and hopefully lose some weight. I was weighed again today :( ugh. I now weigh more than Ashley and it is never a good thing for a girl to weigh more than her boyfriend. The swimming will help of course and now it is warming up and sunny I am more tempted to get outdoors. Not that there's anywhere to go in Orpington! We are going onto a healthy eating programme too!

I was going to tell you about my Hypnotherapy session as well. Let me assure you that it isn't one of those things where they wave a pocket watch in front of your face and tell you to 'look deeeeep into my eyes'. The lady that does it is actually a Radiologist and gave me some advice about my Radiotherapy which was excellent (definitely 3 weeks instead of 5, it doesn't make you tired, I can be around people with babies or who are pregnant). We talked for a long while and she found out all about me and my life and it was really a bit like a counselling session where you just offload all your feelings.
The Hyno-ey bit of it involved me lying down on the bed (it all took place in a regular consulting room so one of those narrow beds with a paper sheet on it) and she talked while I just closed my eyes and relaxed. She took me through a relaxation of the whole body (loosen the muscles in your arms, feel your hands on the bed etc etc). Then she did a visualisation of me on my favourite beach (in Greece) burying my anxieties and previous experiences in the sand. It was quite emotional actually, I had a little cry. I'm not generally good at letting out deep emotions, it's not something I was brought up to do. The thing she said that really stuck with me is that you can never have THAT experience again. You can never have THAT chemo or THAT Hickman line again. It was all really in preparation for having another Hickman but as that is not happening I'm not sure I will go to her again. Maybe I will as I was just so relaxed afterwards.

I went over to the Day Surgery to see my friends and everyone said I looked really chilled.. I was! I was just so so chilled afterwards it was great. Nearly as good as having a good massage (where inevitably I will fall asleep on the table!).

So today I saw the Dr, an early appointment for once. And, some sad news.... my Breast Care Nurse Jane is leaving! She has a promotion and is going to work at Guys. Ash and I got her a card and a bottle of wine to say thank you and we will miss her. She has been with us since the very beginning and has been BRILLIANT. She said she doesn't feel like she's done much for us but even though I haven't been phoning her every 5 minutes, the fact that I know she is there and that every time we go in she says hi and genuinely wants to know how we are is more than enough.
I will have a new nurse called Barbara that I met today. I hope she is nice too!

I am now going to have my next chemo on Friday. Ashley has the day off so we are going to the allotment first as we have to plant the runner beans. They are growing LOADS every day! In fact the whole allotment is coming up gradually and this sunny weather is perfect. The photos I've taken haven't really come out that great, it still looks like a load of mud but with weeds this time! When things are growing I will take some more snaps.
Unfortunately the digital camera that I got for my birthday last year (so less than 18 months old) has given up the ghost. Apparently the chip inside that transfers light to make a picture has gone. I may have taken a few too many pics last year (Istanbul for 1 week = over 500 pics). And I had quite a few holidays last year. I'm annoyed as it will cost over £100 to repair and the whole camera was only about £200 to start with! The chip will go again in about 18 months/ 2 years and will have to be replaced again. I'm going back to using a film camera! My SLR that I got for my 21st birthday is still going and it is 10 years old!

I'm off to probably sit out in the sun a bit more and then go and water the allotment. Hope you all have a good day. Those of you who are reading this at work:
1) Don't be too jealous that I get to enjoy the sunshine while you are stuck in ______________ (fill in your workplace as appropriate)
2) Get back to work!!!!!

Lots of love
Liz
xxx

Don't Get Sick

I know we have an excellent healthcare system in this country (which I cannot fault) and we do have an excellent social care system but this is what is going to happen to me:
in about a month's time I am going to run out of sick pay from work. As they have already been paying me Statutory Sick Pay this will end soon too as it is paid by your company in your pay cheque (they claim it back from the Government) and it is only paid for 28 weeks. SSP is paid at £75.40 a week. After that I will qualify for Incapacity Benefit which should be paid to me at the same rate although there is a lower rate which is only £63.75 a week. Once I am on Incapacity Benefit I cannot go back to work, even if I want to because I will still not be able to work a whole week and it would compromise my benefits so I am in The Trap.
This means that I will be earning effectively £3,000 a year. If you add on Ashley's wages (which I think we calculated wrong when I went to the Citizens Advice Bureau) at £13,000 a year then we are exactly on the limit of £16,000 which means we are not eligible for any Housing Benefit or Council Tax Benefit. In fact at the moment if Ash stays at the hospital as a porter we would be better off as we WOULD get benefits because he is being paid pretty much minimum wage. BUT if he gets another job at Sainsbury's then he would be earning too much even though it would still be a low wage job. The system stinks.

It's not our basic living that is a problem but my debt. I have an outstanding loan which has evolved from my student loan from the first time I went to uni and I have two credit cards (no longer in use but need paying off). One of the cards I realised has payment protection insurance so I am sorting that out but the other card and the loan have to be paid somehow. The advice from Citizens Advice is to write and tell them that you can only pay a certain amount per month i.e. £10 a month and ask them to freeze the interest and charges. This is also in hand but I am scared of creditors breaking down my door! Of all the things I am most worried about, money is the main thing. Surgery? No hair? Chemo? Pah! Money money money.

When I trained to be a nurse I left a well paying job in the private sector (financial company) to go back to university for three years. I knew I would not have a lot of money despite the NHS paying me to study. The thing is I could work then. I had the ability to work evenings and weekends, which I did. I worked in the pub for over two years which I loved. It was hard work and sometimes I was working 7 days a week but at least if I needed money I could go out and earn it. Now I am forced in to not working and I hate it. I've pretty much worked since I was 16 when I got my first Saturday job in Forbouys in Downham. (Correction: Jo and I did the News Shopper - free local paper - paper round for a good couple of years when we were about 14-15! I still have nightmares of lugging those papers around!).

Anyway, the situation is what it is and all we can do is make the best of it. MANY people have been EXTREMELY generous and given us monetary donations for which we are VERY grateful. Mostly the money is used on everyday things like groceries but we have managed to have the odd night out at the cinema with a meal out at the noodle house. That's a BIG night out for me now.

It is Tuesday morning and I have had the most fantastic Bank Holiday Weekend! It really started on Thursday when Nicky came over and we had a lovely afternoon together, then Ashley's friend Chris came over and we all had a luverrrly roast pork dinner.
Friday Ashley had a stressful end to the week but we chilled out in the evening and I made healthy fish and chips (baked cod with green beans, herbs and pine nuts and sweet potato chips), we had a glass of wine and watched 'Capote' (good film, bit slow at first but draws you right in and Philip Seymour Hoffman is an incredible actor).
Saturday I went to Down House with my friend Gosia who I haven't seen for ages and we had cream tea at the coffee shop in Downe village. Then Chris was over again and we had a barbecue on the back terrace of the flat (anyone who's been there knows that it is really just the roof of the shop below!).
Sunday we knew we weren't doing anything so it was Spring Clean The Flat day which was immensely satisfying. Then lunch on the terrace, 'Dirty Rotten Scoundrels' on the TV (classic film) and a relaxed evening and early to bed.
Bank Holiday Monday we woke up early as it was officially the first day that Ashley was on the lease for the flat meaning that for both of us it was the first time we had officially lived with a partner. We had Kir Royale (champagne and cassis) and Eggs Benedict for breakfast and waited (in our very clean flat) for Ashley's dad Andy and his wife Lynn to pick us up as we were going out for the day.
They ended up being late so we had a Bucks Fizz as well!

We spent the day at Hever Castle, childhood home of Anne Boleyn. It is a beautiful Tudor house/castle with extensive grounds and the weather was PERFECT. A warm. hazy summer's day. As it was May Day there were some events happening and we saw King Henry VIII himself! There were several people in costume doing things like archery.
It was a great day, Ash and I provided the picnic (including a bottle of wine but no corkscrew!) and just driving through the Kent countryside was... well those that know what it is like know that at this time of the year, on a sunny day England is just beautiful and Kent is one of the most beautiful places. The wildflowers were all out in the banks and hedgerows, the bluebells are carpeting the woods and the trees are all just coming into leaf and are the most amazing shade of green. I felt really lucky to be able to enjoy it and it reminded me how sad it is to live in a town or a city and miss the seasons. There is nothing like getting out into the countryside to really remind yourself what time of year it is!

I remembered to cover my head all day as last week I managed to sunburn myself a but whilst at the allotment and I have been peeling ever since (not attractive!). I think my arms have got a bit tanned though yay!

It is another beautiful day today, not a cloud in the sky and the forecast for this week is 22-24 degrees all week - huzzah! I'm off to take our new tree down to the allotment at lunch time (£5 apple tree from Wilkinsons - bargain) and then I have an appointment at the Pain Clinic this afternoon about my back. Which is handy as I have woken up today with backache (I think I slept funny).

I dreamed I had hair last night which was very weird! I think that is because I was wishing I had hair yesterday as whenever I see myself in the mirror I look like I have a big moon face. It needs some accessories!

Also I must mention that I went to see the Hypnotherapist last Friday who was great. I think I will write about that later as this has become a VERY long blog and my hands are getting tired from typing.

Have a great day everyone and enjoy the sunshine!

Lots of love

Liz
xxx

Home on the range (again!)

Hi guys,

So I went in to hospital last Friday 18th April with a raised temperature, another infection. It is such a horrible sinking feeling when you know you feel a little bit 'not right' and you don't want to do your temperature because you KNOW what it is going to say. It wasn't too bad in hospital. I was in the room next door to the one I was in last time. I felt rough for a couple of days until they started giving me Paracetamol (a real wonder drug) and my temperature went down and I started feeling much better. By that point the antibiotics had kicked in again.

The infection was in the Hickman line again which meant that it had to come out. That happened on Thursday. It wasn't too bad. There's no pain as such just some tugging and a lot of lying there not doing anything.

I'm home now having been discharged on Friday (thank you Dr Sawicka for discharging me a day earlier than expected!). The staff on the Chartwell ward were fantastic YET AGAIN. Especially my nurse Ricardo who tried so hard to stick a cannula in my hand and just managed to bruise me - it looks as though I haven't washed my hand for a while!

Ashley and I had a celebratory curry Friday night and watched DVDs (Flight of the Conchords - LOVE IT!). Saturday we went to the allotment and I think I caught the sun on my head. We've planted loads of things now but not a lot is coming up except spring onions which are just poking through. The weather is starting to improve now so hopefully we'll start to see some more changes.

My brother came over Saturday night to finish our mammoth Star Wars watching session. We had planned to watch episodes I, II and III and the Clone Wars cartoons but every time we watched a film I was ill! We finally watched Revenge of the Sith last night and it was brilliant apart from the very cheesy 'Noooooooooooooo' from a clunky newly born Darth Vader. Hmmmm.

I feel pretty good now although I'm going to be careful not to do too much. There's lots of financial things to sort out so I'm going to the Citizens Advice Bureau on Monday to see if they can give me some advice. I've sort of got a break now from treatment as I am on antibiotics for another week then a week off with nothing to make sure I'm OK then the Hickman line will go back in (well a new one anyway!) and then chemo will recommence.

Particular thanks in this blog to my sister Helen and to Lloyd who both sent me gifts that arrived on the same day (awesome day!) and to Katie for the book - it reminds me of our Uni days!

Will keep you all updated as and when anything happens

I'm off to see my grandparents and aunts and uncles that I haven't seen for ages in Hastings

Lots of love to everyone

Liz
xxx

Back In Hospital

Hi guys,

I'm currently back in the hospital with another infection in my Hickman line. They are going to remove it and put another one in. I will fill you in on all the details when I have the time, at the moment they have let me out for an hour. My parents have brought me home and are probably napping downstairs as they have jetlag having just got back from the states.
Love to all
Liz
xxx
KT Thanks - I'll look out for it!

Days Out

This week is a busy week for me as without really realising it, I have managed to book up almost every day this week with social activities! It started on Sunday when my little sister Helen asked whether I would accompany her and two of her colleagues on a couple of pre-visits. She is a primary school teacher so they have to do Risk Assessment visits to all the things they want to do before they take the children there.
Sunday = Horniman Museum. If you have never been there (and stop sniggering about the name!), it is a small museum in South London. It is free to go in, open all week (I think) and was set up by John Horniman back in the olden days. He was a tea plantation owner I think and he collected ALOT of stuff from his travels around the world. He was a collector in the great Victorian sense of the world. The museum itself is an impressive example of Arts & Crafts architecture and the display cabinets are all the original wood and glass ones. www.horniman.ac.uk
I was a bit tired walking around and it was raining outside which always makes it harder to get around for some reason. It's a great place though and I can't wait to take Ashley there, he'll love it.
Monday = London Zoo. This was with my sister too. I nearly didn't go because I was walking down to my other sister's house to feed the cats and I was feeling really stiff and was shuffling along like an old lady. The reason for feeling a bit stiff in the old joints is because of the Neulasta injection (the one that saves my white cells). The main side effect is bone pain. In the Cancer Vixen book she had the injection when her white cells were already low and she experienced really severe pain. I think because I am having it as a precautionary measure it is not so bad but my white cells are at the lowest they've been yet (about 2.8 - it's OK it's not a problem until they are under 1). Since the last lot of chemo I have had pain in my jaw and neck and everywhere that bone is near to skin (admittedly not THAT many places on me!). It's like when you are REALLY REALLY tired and you touch your neck and it aches. It doesn't hurt constantly just when touched. Which makes things like sitting and lying quite uncomfortable. And kissing was nearly out altogether!!!!! How awful!!!!!

I decided to go to the Zoo because it was a sunny day and I didn't really want to spend the whole day at home doing nothing. I was still a bit worried about money because although my sister said she's pay for me I had to buy a travelcard to get up to London and that in itself is £7. That's a lot of money to me now.

Got to the Zoo - it seemed like it took forever. I guess because it's a complicated journey, train to Charing X, tube to Camden Town then a 15 minute walk. It was pretty good at the Zoo but SOOO much walking! It rained on an off during the day which was a bit annoying as you were hot one minute, cold the next - great British springtime weather!
My favourite bit was the temporary butterfly exhibit thing. It is a great big inflatable tunnel that you go in and all the butterflies are flying around you. One even landed on me. There was a lovely lady zookeeper who told us all about the butterflies and moths and Helen and I didn't want to leave.

This picture is deceiving because you can't tell the size of the butterfly but it was about the width of my hand.

The exhibits in the Zoo that are open and the animals are within reach are amazing, I was about a foot away from a sloth with no barrier in between! I'd highly recommend it but BE WARNED - there are NO elephants any more :( Helen bought me a little toy elephant instead :)

Tuesday = Lunch with Lindsay in Bromley. An friend from school, we've now known each other for 20 years! She bought me a lovely new headscarf which is all bright colours and bold patterns.


Wednesday = (today) Cinema with (another) Lindsay and dinner. We love a bargain so it's half price cinema tickets and half price dinner courtesy of Lindsay and the amazing deals she manages to find! Thanks hon.

Thursday = Lunch with Sally at the House of Commons. I've never been up there before so I can be a bit touristy at the same time!

Phew!

I think next week I'll have to go back to work because I need the money :(

Thank you for all your continued messages!

Lots of love

Liz
xxx

Pace of Life

The thing about not working is that your pace of life slows down dramatically. The thing about not working AND being sick is that your world becomes so small. I literally live in between my flat and the hospital (and the supermarket) which are the only places I seem to go these days.

Not working and having money would be fabulous; lunches, days out, I would take driving lessons and courses in drawing and painting.

Not working when you don't have money is like being in prison. You can't go out and DO anything. And walking around the park gets boring very quickly. I'd love to get down to the gym and do some yoga or gentle exercise classes but that's too expensive. I'd love to spend the time I have trying to become more healthy, juicing and eating properly etc. The tragedy of society these days is that if you have no money you CANNOT be healthy. Did you know you can feed three people a large dinner of lasagne and garlic bread for £3.14? Supermarket value food is disgusting, it tastes horrible and is full of salt, fat and sugar. Vegetables on the other hand are EXPENSIVE! What is going on in the world????

Thank goodness for our Abel & Cole delivery every week. My wonderful sister Helen and her group from church wanted to do something for us and rather than give us money they have set up a delivery from Abel & Cole (organic vegetable boxes) who deliver once a week on a Monday. I think they will run it for the rest of the year and it is about £15 a week so it's not cheap. BUT IT"S BRILLIANT!!! We get 3 types of fruit, 6 types of vegetables and potatoes. We've had some great stuff too - Kohl Rabi (looks like an alien), Fennel, Aubergine, Carrots, Onions, Leeks, Beetroot etc and Oranges, Kiwis, Bananas and the most delicious Pears. We both love pears but when you buy them in the supermarket they are always too unripe and then they seem to turn overripe too quickly so I never buy them.
Anyway, free veg is great because we have it it means we have to eat it so at least some healthy eating is happening! THANK YOU TO EVERYONE WHO HAS CONTRIBUTED - WE LOVE IT!!!!!

It is a really spring-y day today. April showers + sunshine and big fluffy clouds. I am feeling physically and emotionally much better today. I might even dig out my yoga DVDs that I know are around and try out some poses!

Lots of love to all, especially all the people who have left me messages in the last 24 hours!

Liz
xxx

Grumpy

Hmm, I was a bit grumpy yesterday wasn't I? It's probably because I didn't sleep too well the night before. It's a strange feeling when your body is tired but your head just keeps going. ALL NIGHT!

I've been thinking about how I want to get this blog out there. I have an Analytics thing with Google that tells me how many people have been on here and where they are i.e. what city/county. It's odd looking at the cities because I'm sure I don't know people in some of them but who knows where you guys log on to the internet! The world map is pretty cool though, my blog is being read in Great Britain, Ireland, France, South Africa, United States and Australia. Cool!
BUT.. I want more! Please tell people about it, have links to it, whatever - I really want to get this out to as many people as possible. Don't ask me why, I am just going to make it my mission.

The other thing is - don't be afraid to ask questions. You can contact me by
1. Email: liz_ford_1999@yahoo.co.uk
2. Facebook: www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=512538596
3. This website.

If you want to ask a really big or personal question then please do so - these things have to be asked and if you want to do it anonymously then please email me. I am not afraid to answer these things. If I can help anyone else out there lessen their fear of breast cancer then that is what I want to do. I was trying to tell myself this afternoon that I had breast cancer to shock myself into believing it but it still wasn't working!

It was a strange day because I was in on my own most of the time and didn't really speak to anyone. Ashley went to see his nan after work and it wasn't until he got home that I realised how much I had missed him and how low I had been feeling all day. I had a good old cry about the usual things that I get upset about now:
Why did this have to happen to me?
I just want to be normal again
Will I ever know what it is like to have energy again?
How much longer do we have to go through this?
Why do we have to do this AND be poor?
etc etc
I felt MUCH better afterwards, even though there aren't really any answers to those questions. :)

Lots of love to all of you
Liz
xxx