Sacrifices and Happy Times

One of the worst things about being ill is that I have had to sacrifice things in my life. This mostly constitutes holidays, gigs, parties, dinners, meetings, general social activities and buying things that aren't essential. At the moment I am missing being able to go out with my friends clubbing or just out for drinks. I would LOVE to go clubbing as I haven't been out dancing for a long time but I know I wouldn't be able to handle a whole night out, in particular it doesn't take a lot of alcohol for me to be drunk now (1 gin and tonic is more than enough!) and I couldn't handle the journey home from London at 5am!

Also, the Eurovision Song Contest is coming up and I am a big fan. I LOVE watching it, especially when you are able to put the subtitles on and have the song lyrics in english (although I'm not sure they do that anymore). The best bit about it has been the last couple of years at Simon's where we drink wine and try to fill in Simon's desperately complicated score cards. The categories are things like; dance routine, costumes, song and campness. I know it is sad but if you watch it tongue in cheek and listen to Terry Wogan getting more and more pissed on Baileys throughout the night, it is an excellent excuse to stay in on a Saturday evening! This year I will probably get to watch some of the competition as my brother is having birthday drinks for his 30th that night (ahhh my little bro is going to be joining me on this side of 30). Maybe they'll have a TV in the bar and I can sneakily watch it!

!!!!UPDATE!!!!
My sister Becky is also a fan of Eurovision so we have worked out a plan for that day that involves me, her, her husband David and Ashley going to the drinks for my brother and being back to watch (if not all, then most of) Eurovision. It's basically that David is going to drive us to the bar and home again, therefore saving us precious time on the 358 bus!

Today it's difficult to be moany. I have read a blog by a woman called Kelly on the Breast Cancer Care website which has been very insightful. In a lot of ways she seems a lot like me and so it's easy to relate to her story. In another way - her experience is totally different to mine! (Apart from the financial stuff - I'm glad it's not just me that's finding it difficult).

In fact, the financial stuff I think is harder when you are a single woman without a family and I am SO SO SO grateful to have Ashley and that bit of extra support. If I was single I would never have been able to do this alone for so many reasons. I mean, at 32 (which is how I will be when I finish treatment) how do you go out into the world again and start dating? How do you explain to a potential partner that you've just spent the last 18 months in and out of hospital and that now you are scarred for life and possibly can't have children. I would be so scared to show off my scars to anyone. And how would anyone else understand it if they haven't been through it with you?

I digress. What I wanted to blog about today was the fact that I have had a fantastic day. It rained (phew! At least the vegetables on the allotment are getting a drink) and was generally a pretty grey and boring day today. In the morning I woke up at about 08:30 as my friend Sarah texted me from Australia (miss you!) and told me I had a package coming from her that might go to the shop downstairs as she thinks she addressed it wrong. It hasn't arrived yet even though I checked with the shop people.
Then I took my pills which are not making me feel as they did in the beginning. Then Tracy and I went swimming at Swanley which was lovely as it is the first time I have been swimming since my holiday last September (meaning that the last time I went swimming was on September 30 2007 in the pool at the house in Corfu. I want to go back!!!!). There was hardly anyone in the pool and we chatted and did a whole load of lengths (actually forgot to count as we were chatting so much!). Then we went for lunch at Sidcup Place which I have been past many times and never been in. It is a beautiful old house - shame it's not a house any more but it must have been fantastic back in the day.

In the late afternoon my friend Julie came to visit me. We haven't seen each other for AGES. Probably a good year or so. She moved down to the coast and we haven't been in touch much. I missed her birthday last year which I feel really bad about. It was just before my diagnosis when I KNEW something was wrong and I was really stressed. Neither of us have had a particularly good year so there was LOTS to catch up on. And things are looking up for both of us (especially in terms of relationships!) so it's all good. A trip to the coast is definitely in order!

Anyway, I am very happy today. All in all my life is not that bad. In fact I'd even forgotten that I have to have more chemo tomorrow and that my mum is coming to pick me up at 08:45am. Damn, no lie in tomorrow! The bonus is that we are getting some tomato plants and broccoli plants from my mums garden!

Lots of love to everyone
Liz
xxx

PS Special thanks to Ant and Rajan today. You know why :)