A Ray of Light

Hi guys,

Just to let you know.... da da daaaaaaaaa... I went to the Oncologists today and they said... NO MORE HICKMAN LINE!!!!!!!! I will not have to have another one put in. Thank goodness. Instead they will give me the next four lots of chemo peripherally i.e. through my hand. It does mean having to get stabbed with a needle every time I go in but at least I don't have to have the Hickman. What this means, of course, is that now I can start doing some swimming (twice a week with Tracy) and hopefully lose some weight. I was weighed again today :( ugh. I now weigh more than Ashley and it is never a good thing for a girl to weigh more than her boyfriend. The swimming will help of course and now it is warming up and sunny I am more tempted to get outdoors. Not that there's anywhere to go in Orpington! We are going onto a healthy eating programme too!

I was going to tell you about my Hypnotherapy session as well. Let me assure you that it isn't one of those things where they wave a pocket watch in front of your face and tell you to 'look deeeeep into my eyes'. The lady that does it is actually a Radiologist and gave me some advice about my Radiotherapy which was excellent (definitely 3 weeks instead of 5, it doesn't make you tired, I can be around people with babies or who are pregnant). We talked for a long while and she found out all about me and my life and it was really a bit like a counselling session where you just offload all your feelings.
The Hyno-ey bit of it involved me lying down on the bed (it all took place in a regular consulting room so one of those narrow beds with a paper sheet on it) and she talked while I just closed my eyes and relaxed. She took me through a relaxation of the whole body (loosen the muscles in your arms, feel your hands on the bed etc etc). Then she did a visualisation of me on my favourite beach (in Greece) burying my anxieties and previous experiences in the sand. It was quite emotional actually, I had a little cry. I'm not generally good at letting out deep emotions, it's not something I was brought up to do. The thing she said that really stuck with me is that you can never have THAT experience again. You can never have THAT chemo or THAT Hickman line again. It was all really in preparation for having another Hickman but as that is not happening I'm not sure I will go to her again. Maybe I will as I was just so relaxed afterwards.

I went over to the Day Surgery to see my friends and everyone said I looked really chilled.. I was! I was just so so chilled afterwards it was great. Nearly as good as having a good massage (where inevitably I will fall asleep on the table!).

So today I saw the Dr, an early appointment for once. And, some sad news.... my Breast Care Nurse Jane is leaving! She has a promotion and is going to work at Guys. Ash and I got her a card and a bottle of wine to say thank you and we will miss her. She has been with us since the very beginning and has been BRILLIANT. She said she doesn't feel like she's done much for us but even though I haven't been phoning her every 5 minutes, the fact that I know she is there and that every time we go in she says hi and genuinely wants to know how we are is more than enough.
I will have a new nurse called Barbara that I met today. I hope she is nice too!

I am now going to have my next chemo on Friday. Ashley has the day off so we are going to the allotment first as we have to plant the runner beans. They are growing LOADS every day! In fact the whole allotment is coming up gradually and this sunny weather is perfect. The photos I've taken haven't really come out that great, it still looks like a load of mud but with weeds this time! When things are growing I will take some more snaps.
Unfortunately the digital camera that I got for my birthday last year (so less than 18 months old) has given up the ghost. Apparently the chip inside that transfers light to make a picture has gone. I may have taken a few too many pics last year (Istanbul for 1 week = over 500 pics). And I had quite a few holidays last year. I'm annoyed as it will cost over £100 to repair and the whole camera was only about £200 to start with! The chip will go again in about 18 months/ 2 years and will have to be replaced again. I'm going back to using a film camera! My SLR that I got for my 21st birthday is still going and it is 10 years old!

I'm off to probably sit out in the sun a bit more and then go and water the allotment. Hope you all have a good day. Those of you who are reading this at work:
1) Don't be too jealous that I get to enjoy the sunshine while you are stuck in ______________ (fill in your workplace as appropriate)
2) Get back to work!!!!!

Lots of love
Liz
xxx