The Day I Found Out I Had Cancer

Hi guys,

I'm going to start blogging to give you all an idea about what I am going through at the moment and to try and put things in some perspective. (Also it saves me doing lots of emails to people!).

On Wednesday 21 November 2007 I found out I had breast cancer.

The history behind it is that my right nipple had become a bit inverted and the areole had changed shape slightly so I thought 'oh, I'll get that sorted out at the doctors when I get a chance'. I tried feeling for a lump but there was nothing definite that I could feel. I went to my new patient check at my GPs on 5 November and the nurse asked me whether I did regular breast examinations. I said that I had made an appointment already to get my GP to have a look (it was booked for two days later). She said 'Why don't I get the duty doctor in to have a look now'. So she went to get him as I was whipping my top off - he had a grope and said he would refer me to the Breast Clinic on an emergency 2 week appointment.
I was a little shaken by this but the nurse said 'You knew he would do that didn't you?', I said 'yes, I just didn't want to hear him say it'.

So Monday 19 November I went to the Breast Clinic which is based in the Chartwell Unit at the Princess Royal University Hospital in Farnborough (the same hospital I work at). For anyone that knows the hospital this is alarming as the Chartwell Unit is the cancer unit. At this point I knew that cancer was what they were looking for even though everyone I had told was very reassuring and telling me that it was probably a cyst or something. Personally I was concerned but it is natural to think the worst when it's you.

The protocol for breast investigations is as follows:
1. See the Consultant (in my case Mr Desai, who is brilliant)
2. Have an ultrasound and if they think it necessary...
3. Have a mammogram and if they think it is necessary...
4. Have a fine needle aspiration/ biopsy.

I went in to see Mr D on my own, Ophelia (Friend and Housemate) and Ashley (Boyfriend) came with me but waited in the reception. He had a good grope and prodded me about a bit, asked about my general health then gave me the form to go and have the scans.
After sitting in several different waiting areas I had the ultrasound (cold jelly on boob - ohhhh!!!) and mammogram (squishy). O came in with me for the biopsy which involved a very large needle. I'm glad she did aswell because it was rather an unpleasant experience. When they take the tissue it feels like someone stapling you on the inside. Weird but that's the only way I can describe it!

After that it was an hours wait to see the consultant again. I went in on my own again, he basically told me that he was concerned about the lump and that it looked suspicious. I knew something was up when I went in there as there was a Healthcare Assistant (HCA) in there (as a chaperone) and one of the Breast Care Nurses. They all had those stony looks on their faces and so I knew it would be bad news.

Well, Ashley and I had a walk over to the park (Ophelia had gone to work at this point) and I had a little cry and told him what Mr D had said. We went home, thought about all the possibilities and decided to think positively and hope for the best.

My next appointment was two days later on the 21 November for the biopsy results. A date I will never forget as long as I live. In fact Mr D was excellent. No-one wants to see their consultant and then have to ask 'do I have cancer?'. As it was he said, 'you know on Monday I said the lump looked suspicious, well, it was and you do have cancer.' He gave it a minute to sink in (Ashley got a good grip on my hand at this point) and all I could think was 'you knew on Monday'. In one way I always knew deep down and it wasn't a shock. From the minute I thought something might be wrong with my boob I suspected the worst. Not in a depressing way but I am a little bit of a pessimist and a lot of a realist and I wasn't going to try and kid myself that this was nothing to worry about.

So that was that. The rest of the day was spent telling people - not a pleasant task but a necessary one and something that I felt I had to do as soon as possible. I'm sorry to everyone to whom it was a bit of a bombshell, I realise that these things don't just affect the person but their family, friends, colleagues and acquaintances.

This blog has taken a while to write, I will try and make them smaller in the future. Also, I think I will try to blog once a week for a roundup of events as nothing much is happening at the moment, just a succession of good days and bad days. Days when I have a couple of hours off from thinking about it, days when it's all I can think about all of the time.

If you have any questions or things you want to know or you just want to check in and see if I am OK the best place is my Facebook page as I check that every day (some may say obsessively!)
The website link is http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=512538596, if you can't click on it then you can copy or paste it into your browser or go to Facebook.com.

Thank you all for your kind words of encouragement, it is impossible to describe how much it means to me

Liz
xxx