Hello everyone,
It has now been one week since my diagnosis and it has been busy! Apart from having to tell everyone I know (a bigger job than I anticipated), I have had to have some scans and whatnot to assess the staging of my tumour and to check that the cancer hasn't spread to my bones.
So Monday I had a bone scan and a CT scan and today I had an MRI scan. They all sound very fancy but the reality is they are just rather unpleasant procedures where people poke and prod you and make you lie still for 20 minutes at a time (very difficult as you always feel the need to scratch the end of your nose or something for no apparant reason).
For the bone scan you have to go in, be injected with radioactive isotopes into a vein and then wait 3 hours for them to get into your system. This is so that when they do the scan if there are any other cancerous cells they will show up. In between times, rather than wait around in a dull waiting area I went to have the CT (computerised tomography - do NOT ask me what it means, I have no idea!!!!). For this one they make you drink a manky cup of water that tastes like bonjela and then some more water. You have to change into a lovely hospital gown (yuk! now I feel sorry for the patients that I make wear these every day). Then they stab you in the arm so that they can inject some iodine into you later. The CT scanner is like a donut that whizzes around really fast around you, well, the machinery inside whizzes round but you can see it. It's a little bit noisy and they ask you to take a big breath and hold it, then release a few times. When they inject the iodine it makes you feel warm all over (a bit like you've weed yourself. The weirdest thing is that your bits feel all warm). I thought I was OK with the injection but it made me feel a little bit sick and I thought I was going to be sick while I was lying there. I tried to concentrate on breathing and being calm and when they took me out of the machine, I retched a few times and spat up some saliva like you do when you're about to puke. Luckily I didn't actually throw up but it was weird for me as I don't often get nauseated and if I do then I usually throw up. I guess it's just a sensation I'll have to get used to.
So with that done, Ashley and I went to see the girls in the Day Surgery that I work with and then went to have lunch in the park. Ophelia joined us aswell (in time for cake!) and we all went in for the bone scan.
The bone scan machine is not as bad as the CT as they don't make you feel sick but it is basically an X-Ray of your entire body with you lying down and a plate below you and one above you. The problem with it is that the top plate (it's about a foot square piece of metal) has to come down over your face and it is CENTIMETRES from your face. Not good if you feel a bit claustrophobic. It's open at the sides so you can breathe. Again, it is all about closing your eyes and breathing and trying to stay calm. The plate moves over your body after about 5 minutes and the whole thing takes about 20 minutes. Not too bad at all. Also you get to keep your clothes on!
Today I had the MRI (Magnetic Resonance Imaging - they kind of fire magnetic rays at you and they make a pretty pattern when they hit things - OK, I don't really know). I knew this one wasn't going to be nice, I have taken patients down to have MRIs and I know how blinking loud that machine is. Friends assured me that it wasn't that bad, they don't inject you with anything, just relax etc etc etc....
Ha! Well, it was into a sexy hospital gown again, this time open at the front - mmmm attractive! The tables they make you lie on for these machines are TINY. I mean they are narrow and I'm not a narrow person so I always worry that I'm going to fall off. In fact, they are designed for people of all shapes and sizes so it's fine, just a bit disconcerting. Well, I had to have another venflon in my arm and another injection of contrast dye for the scan. This is because breast tissue is just that, tissue, it is not bone and does not easily show up on scans without some sort of contrast dye. Also, they were doing the MRI to look at the stage my tumour is at and get a really good idea of what size and shape it is before they go in to cut it out.
So, I have to lie on the table, face down with my boobs hanging through two holes! It was totally weird and I laughed when they told me what I had to do. At least I have plenty to go through hee hee!
The machine is LOUD, really loud and the hole (it is another donut shaped machine) is SMALL!!! I honestly thought I wouldn't fit in and it was a bit of a squash. The radiologists were fab and I had headphones on and they put on some Foo Fighters for me (yay!). I did get them to take me out one time and rearrange me because I dropped the squeezy thing (it's like an alarm for when you really panic). So I panicked because I had dropped the squeezy thing, wriggled about a bit and they came to my aid. It was a bit better after that, I relaxed a bit, sort of dozed off and tried not to concentrate on everything that felt itchy. Your arms are pinned to your side so it was very awkward when your nose itched!
With that over, I feel that a weight is off a little bit. I am seeing Mr D next Wednesday for the results of all those tests and to discuss surgery. The Breast Care Nurse today said the provisional date was the 18th but we'll see for sure on Weds.
Anyway, that is it for the time being, I am trying to prepare the flat as best I can for post-surgery so my bed is finally up and I am going to set up my room for recuperation purposes.
Lots of love to all and thanks for all your messages of encouragement - it is really really appreciated
Liz
xxxx
Thursday, 29 November 2007
Saturday, 24 November 2007
The Day I Found Out I Had Cancer
Hi guys,
I'm going to start blogging to give you all an idea about what I am going through at the moment and to try and put things in some perspective. (Also it saves me doing lots of emails to people!).
On Wednesday 21 November 2007 I found out I had breast cancer.
The history behind it is that my right nipple had become a bit inverted and the areole had changed shape slightly so I thought 'oh, I'll get that sorted out at the doctors when I get a chance'. I tried feeling for a lump but there was nothing definite that I could feel. I went to my new patient check at my GPs on 5 November and the nurse asked me whether I did regular breast examinations. I said that I had made an appointment already to get my GP to have a look (it was booked for two days later). She said 'Why don't I get the duty doctor in to have a look now'. So she went to get him as I was whipping my top off - he had a grope and said he would refer me to the Breast Clinic on an emergency 2 week appointment.
I was a little shaken by this but the nurse said 'You knew he would do that didn't you?', I said 'yes, I just didn't want to hear him say it'.
So Monday 19 November I went to the Breast Clinic which is based in the Chartwell Unit at the Princess Royal University Hospital in Farnborough (the same hospital I work at). For anyone that knows the hospital this is alarming as the Chartwell Unit is the cancer unit. At this point I knew that cancer was what they were looking for even though everyone I had told was very reassuring and telling me that it was probably a cyst or something. Personally I was concerned but it is natural to think the worst when it's you.
The protocol for breast investigations is as follows:
1. See the Consultant (in my case Mr Desai, who is brilliant)
2. Have an ultrasound and if they think it necessary...
3. Have a mammogram and if they think it is necessary...
4. Have a fine needle aspiration/ biopsy.
I went in to see Mr D on my own, Ophelia (Friend and Housemate) and Ashley (Boyfriend) came with me but waited in the reception. He had a good grope and prodded me about a bit, asked about my general health then gave me the form to go and have the scans.
After sitting in several different waiting areas I had the ultrasound (cold jelly on boob - ohhhh!!!) and mammogram (squishy). O came in with me for the biopsy which involved a very large needle. I'm glad she did aswell because it was rather an unpleasant experience. When they take the tissue it feels like someone stapling you on the inside. Weird but that's the only way I can describe it!
After that it was an hours wait to see the consultant again. I went in on my own again, he basically told me that he was concerned about the lump and that it looked suspicious. I knew something was up when I went in there as there was a Healthcare Assistant (HCA) in there (as a chaperone) and one of the Breast Care Nurses. They all had those stony looks on their faces and so I knew it would be bad news.
Well, Ashley and I had a walk over to the park (Ophelia had gone to work at this point) and I had a little cry and told him what Mr D had said. We went home, thought about all the possibilities and decided to think positively and hope for the best.
My next appointment was two days later on the 21 November for the biopsy results. A date I will never forget as long as I live. In fact Mr D was excellent. No-one wants to see their consultant and then have to ask 'do I have cancer?'. As it was he said, 'you know on Monday I said the lump looked suspicious, well, it was and you do have cancer.' He gave it a minute to sink in (Ashley got a good grip on my hand at this point) and all I could think was 'you knew on Monday'. In one way I always knew deep down and it wasn't a shock. From the minute I thought something might be wrong with my boob I suspected the worst. Not in a depressing way but I am a little bit of a pessimist and a lot of a realist and I wasn't going to try and kid myself that this was nothing to worry about.
So that was that. The rest of the day was spent telling people - not a pleasant task but a necessary one and something that I felt I had to do as soon as possible. I'm sorry to everyone to whom it was a bit of a bombshell, I realise that these things don't just affect the person but their family, friends, colleagues and acquaintances.
This blog has taken a while to write, I will try and make them smaller in the future. Also, I think I will try to blog once a week for a roundup of events as nothing much is happening at the moment, just a succession of good days and bad days. Days when I have a couple of hours off from thinking about it, days when it's all I can think about all of the time.
If you have any questions or things you want to know or you just want to check in and see if I am OK the best place is my Facebook page as I check that every day (some may say obsessively!)
The website link is http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=512538596, if you can't click on it then you can copy or paste it into your browser or go to Facebook.com.
Thank you all for your kind words of encouragement, it is impossible to describe how much it means to me
Liz
xxx
I'm going to start blogging to give you all an idea about what I am going through at the moment and to try and put things in some perspective. (Also it saves me doing lots of emails to people!).
On Wednesday 21 November 2007 I found out I had breast cancer.
The history behind it is that my right nipple had become a bit inverted and the areole had changed shape slightly so I thought 'oh, I'll get that sorted out at the doctors when I get a chance'. I tried feeling for a lump but there was nothing definite that I could feel. I went to my new patient check at my GPs on 5 November and the nurse asked me whether I did regular breast examinations. I said that I had made an appointment already to get my GP to have a look (it was booked for two days later). She said 'Why don't I get the duty doctor in to have a look now'. So she went to get him as I was whipping my top off - he had a grope and said he would refer me to the Breast Clinic on an emergency 2 week appointment.
I was a little shaken by this but the nurse said 'You knew he would do that didn't you?', I said 'yes, I just didn't want to hear him say it'.
So Monday 19 November I went to the Breast Clinic which is based in the Chartwell Unit at the Princess Royal University Hospital in Farnborough (the same hospital I work at). For anyone that knows the hospital this is alarming as the Chartwell Unit is the cancer unit. At this point I knew that cancer was what they were looking for even though everyone I had told was very reassuring and telling me that it was probably a cyst or something. Personally I was concerned but it is natural to think the worst when it's you.
The protocol for breast investigations is as follows:
1. See the Consultant (in my case Mr Desai, who is brilliant)
2. Have an ultrasound and if they think it necessary...
3. Have a mammogram and if they think it is necessary...
4. Have a fine needle aspiration/ biopsy.
I went in to see Mr D on my own, Ophelia (Friend and Housemate) and Ashley (Boyfriend) came with me but waited in the reception. He had a good grope and prodded me about a bit, asked about my general health then gave me the form to go and have the scans.
After sitting in several different waiting areas I had the ultrasound (cold jelly on boob - ohhhh!!!) and mammogram (squishy). O came in with me for the biopsy which involved a very large needle. I'm glad she did aswell because it was rather an unpleasant experience. When they take the tissue it feels like someone stapling you on the inside. Weird but that's the only way I can describe it!
After that it was an hours wait to see the consultant again. I went in on my own again, he basically told me that he was concerned about the lump and that it looked suspicious. I knew something was up when I went in there as there was a Healthcare Assistant (HCA) in there (as a chaperone) and one of the Breast Care Nurses. They all had those stony looks on their faces and so I knew it would be bad news.
Well, Ashley and I had a walk over to the park (Ophelia had gone to work at this point) and I had a little cry and told him what Mr D had said. We went home, thought about all the possibilities and decided to think positively and hope for the best.
My next appointment was two days later on the 21 November for the biopsy results. A date I will never forget as long as I live. In fact Mr D was excellent. No-one wants to see their consultant and then have to ask 'do I have cancer?'. As it was he said, 'you know on Monday I said the lump looked suspicious, well, it was and you do have cancer.' He gave it a minute to sink in (Ashley got a good grip on my hand at this point) and all I could think was 'you knew on Monday'. In one way I always knew deep down and it wasn't a shock. From the minute I thought something might be wrong with my boob I suspected the worst. Not in a depressing way but I am a little bit of a pessimist and a lot of a realist and I wasn't going to try and kid myself that this was nothing to worry about.
So that was that. The rest of the day was spent telling people - not a pleasant task but a necessary one and something that I felt I had to do as soon as possible. I'm sorry to everyone to whom it was a bit of a bombshell, I realise that these things don't just affect the person but their family, friends, colleagues and acquaintances.
This blog has taken a while to write, I will try and make them smaller in the future. Also, I think I will try to blog once a week for a roundup of events as nothing much is happening at the moment, just a succession of good days and bad days. Days when I have a couple of hours off from thinking about it, days when it's all I can think about all of the time.
If you have any questions or things you want to know or you just want to check in and see if I am OK the best place is my Facebook page as I check that every day (some may say obsessively!)
The website link is http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=512538596, if you can't click on it then you can copy or paste it into your browser or go to Facebook.com.
Thank you all for your kind words of encouragement, it is impossible to describe how much it means to me
Liz
xxx
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